with a heavy bagpack of not knowing where or what im gonna do.
camps after camps, outings followed by another.
people whom i never once knew started to embark a journey in my life.
atrium hangouts, crazy break times, after school towning or pooling, stayovers, volley days, dinnering, cam whoring. as i reflect on my 1st and 2nd yr in poly, i realised how much i had grown and learnt from the many setbacks both in friendship and in love.
my very first good friend was this very special one.
she has tha brains, tha looks whatsmore tha character of which clicked so easily with mine.
it was effortless building our friendship as everything just seemed to flow naturally.
being a freshie in poly, definitely my dream was to have a really close gurl friend whom i could confide in, listen ta my crap, go on shopping sprees and have lil gurly slumber parties.
just when i thought my dream was fulfilled, everything was dashed.
it just happened so suddenly. drifted apart. tha awkardness.
i hated boys for ruining our friendship i admit.
lil time was made for us.
stupid dieting and crazy 'im-so-fat' phrases started to appear.
it was more of a self concious thang and so obsessed bout losing weight rather than before where we were so carefree, having fun, eating and not caring bout what others think of us.
i miss those times and im afraid that it wldnt be back no longer.
in fact, i do admit that its also my fault for 'ignoring' yur sms-s and calls for i was far too irritated with yur committing suscide stints. i gave advices and consoled till i cldnt help but gave up. then and again, when no one wld ever listen ta yew, i thought, why not for our friendship and our past, i cld just give another green light and say cheers ta our friendship once again.
tried to listen ta yur sorrows but guess my listening ear werent needed.
i had never told yew how i felt and i guess thats when misunderstandings happen.my fault i know, as i didnt know howta face yew then. tha awkardness plus i just cldnt stand tha whinings of 'im so fat' as obviously yew know yew aint fat. i just wanted yew to be confident of yurself, to be like before where both of us cld go on and on bout stuff instead of just bfs and bfs once more. once or twice or even triple whinings are okay but everything has a limit dear. i cant always say tha same thing to yew aint it? like yur not fat pls! look at me? if yur fat then im enormous. isnt it familiar? i had said it so many times that i grew really exhausted.
i wanted to be yur best friend in poly. and thought we cld be. like any lil girl's dream. as my besties are scattered all over s'pore and they're just too busy for anything.. i thought i had seen light when i met yew, my friend.
as i pen down my feelings, i cldnt help but reminisce tha good ol times and bond we shared. i miss yew dear. yew know it. i know that this post wld either drift us even further apart or maybe closer, but heyy babe, just wanted ta let yew know how i've been feeling for tha past 2 and half years. yew take care yep?
tha word 'besties' mean a hell lot to me.
but then again, it seems like a covered lie or rather what yew call it, overcommercialised.
if i were to ask yew, besties or bf comes first? whats yur first answer? wanna know mine? my bf shld be able to answer on my behalf. hahs.
having to spend time with my besties during sec sch days was never a NO. we had all tha time in tha world for each other, reason being; softball team plus SC plus we're in tha same sch. duhhs.
i cldnt get use to us being part esp with drea after graduating. we were so tightly glued that even people thought we were together. dumbasses!=.= anyhows, no one cld comprehend how much we relied on each other during those days. when asha had to return to msia frequently and grace was always attached. we only had tha two of us. townings, neo-printing was fashion then, movies, yur place to chill etc.
1st year of poly was indeed a test to our friendship as drea was mugging hard for a's and i was left to survive on my own. our friendship wasnt like any other besties where they set aside days to meet up no matter what happens. like every friday's a bestie day. smth like that. ours? its really uncertain. it sometimes seem as though only when we need each other then we'll meet up or when our bf's aint free then we'll meet up. so does besties or bf-s comes first? its to each individual to know.
family has always been our pririority esp when one's got strict parents. hahs. i had always prayed that they would let yew go and trust in yew since yur alrdy 19. and now, im still wishing for that. i know that it hadnt been easy on yew as grace and i started to get hitched leaving yew single. that feeling, i can understand. its like all of tha sudden yew just feel so alone. remember like i once told yew before my dear, im still available, call me out whenevr yur free. we can still hang out often enough even without having to plan any schedule. even if it takes to walk along orchard road aimlessly, i wld be there. tha laughters we shared. cant be forgotten.
knowing me, i dont understand why couples hafta be just couples and start neglect all their friends around them. im still pretty sore due to tha fact when so many backfired.
yes, i'll try to understand but now, im still trying to accept it yep? tears welled up my eyes as i typed this entry, with feelings attached. and now i just wanna shout it all out from the bottom of my heart, i miss yew gurls. yen,drea,grace,asha,rania.
<3s.
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